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TEILHET v 3rd XI 16 NOVEMBER 2008
You would not have thought it possible for a team to have so much play, so much possession, and spend so long camped in the opponent's half of the field and yet be losing 2-1 with 10 minutres to go. But that's the story of today's game, folks.
But that's not how it started. From the kick-off it was Teilhet on the attack and one of the midfielders let loose a cannonball of a shot that crashed off the Pionsat bar.
You might think that the Pionsat keeper, the young lad who alternates between goal and attack, looks pretty static, but there was no way that he, or anyone else for that matter, was ever going to stop a shot like this. It was a real "Albert Kinsey".
But Pionsat were quickly on the attack, and at the other end one of the attackers tried his luck with a shot. This one though didn't quite have the same accuracy, and it disappeared over the bar. But it was a close thing, and it served to wake up the Teilhet side.
But just look at the acres of space that the Pionsat centre-forward has here. Not a defender around for miles.
Disaster struck Pionsat early on, and it was a most unusual and unlikely goal. A bit of a hospital ball back towards the keeper, but he dashes out, just about makes it, and hoofs it upfield. It drops at the feet of a Teilhet player who is standing, by my reckoning, just about inside his own half. His response is to whack it back upfield, and it sails over the head of the goalkeeper straight into the net. It's no surprise that everyone on the Pionsat team looks totally dumbstruck.
And when I get my hands on the linesman who ran across the field of view of the camera just as the ball sailed over the keeper's head, I'll kill him.
And even worse was to come a couple of minutes later. A good Teilhet ball into the Pionsat area saw the keeper rush off his line to try to grab it. He missed the ball and his dive brought down an onrushing Teilhet forward. No doubt in my mind that he'd tried to play the ball, but nevertheless, there was contact without the ball. Some refs give the penalty, others don't. And this one was in the former category.
Two-nil to Teilhet, and Pionsat can count themselves desperately unlucky so early in the game.
From the kick-off, Pionsat went on the attack and put the Teilhet goal under some pressure. The Pionsat no8 won the ball on the edge of the penalty area and uncurled a lovely shot at the Teilhet goal. The Teilhet keeper, who looks even older than I am, made a good save and touched it round the post for a Pionsat corner.
One of the first of many, many more, I might add.
Another Pionsat attack, and once again, just look at the room that the Pionsat centre forward has. Once more, not a defender in sight for miles.
This cross unfortunately went high over the attack - you wouldn't have reached this if you'd have come onto the field of play with a stepladder - but had it been 6 feet lower and six feet further back, the no9 would have made mincemeat out of it.
We had "goal of the month" a couple of minutes ago from Teilhet. This one is goal of the season. And it would be goal of the season in any league in any country you might care to name.
For once, Pionsat were under pressure and a good cross came in from the Teilhet right wing. The keeper came out and grabbed it, ran to the edge of the box and whacked it upfield with an enormous kick. The centre-forward, well in the Teilhet half (that's how far it had travelled without bouncing) got his head to it and knocked it on - right into the path of the onrushing no10 who caught it on the volley just outside the penalty area. There was absolutely no way that the Teilhet keeper was ever going to stop it.
And badger me if the blasted linesman didn't get in the way AGAIN. I hate football grounds with only one side to them.
And Pionsat still kept on coming forward. It was getting to be pretty much relentless now. Another good shot on target, and a defender manages to get himself in the way to block the shot.
And here we are again - yet another corner. I was beginning to lose count of how may we had had at this point.
And yet another attack from Pionsat. The centre-forward was right in the thick of things again, but this time he was surrounded by a possee of Teilhet players trying to keep him quiet.
He still manages to squeeze off a shot though, and the Teilhet keeper does well to make a good save at pretty close range.
And guess what? Yes - another corner. Pionsat had their tails up at this point.
And if you think that good saves and corners are cutting it pretty closely, this next shot was even closer still. It cannoned off the underside of the bar and bounced right into the keeper's arms. And I don't think that the keeper knew anything about it at all.
Ohhhh for Tofik Bachraminov (or whatever his name was) running the line instead of that guy without a head if he sticks it once more in front of my camera.
And what about the referee's sartorial elegance, hey?
It's just a tidal wave of Pionsat attacking right now. This time a shot from distance, covered by the full-back, but on the greasy turf (it needed mowing, it was uneven, and we were having a perpetual drizzle) it was a keeper's nightmare.
He gets down well to it for an old guy, and palms it away to safety. And just as well too. These conditions are dreadful for a goalkeeper.
By now, Teilhet had everyone back in their own half - even the centre-forward was defending and they had just left the little quick right-winger upfield.
And once again, the keeper is called upon to earn his wages as despite the bodies around the box, a Pionsat forward manages to get off a shot that brings out the best in the Teilhet keeper.
One thing I've noticed - yellow seems to be a popular colour for football teams around here.
This was a pretty nasty moment for Teilhet. They had two big, mouthy defenders who bossed their team aound something ... er ... directly (there was certainly a lot of noise from the Teilhet side of the pitch) and one of them flung himself into a tackle with much more enthusiasm than skill.
You could hear the crunch of bone from the touchline, and I thought for a minute that he might have broken his leg. Certainly everyone was concerned, and I don't think that I've ever seen so much magic spray used in anger for quite some time.
He was clearly in no fit state to continue, and left the field. Like I've said before - with all these new rules and regulations in football these days, UEFA would have a fit of the screaming habdabs seeing this kind of medical attention. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "carried off".
Nothing was broken though - at half-time I saw him sitting on the serving hatch of the pie hut crushing ice around his swollen calf.
So having adjourned for the worst cup of coffee I've ever drunk, and refused to partake of the local delicacy - freshly-slaughtered goat roasted in the barn - the second half got under way.
And no surprise - Pionsat were on the attack again. The keeper at this point was resorting to desperate measures - a hurried kick off the line to save his goal. Three Pionsat players here against just one defender and the goalkeeper.
Anyone who has ever played in goal will have encountered a moment like this. This was one of those long, hanging crosses that seem to hang in the air for ever and run along just in front of the crossbar.
I've seen dozens of keepers - professionals too - totally mesmerised by them, not sure whether to catch them, punch them out, let them go by, or palm them over the bar. They usually end up watching them end up in the net. The Teilhet keeper though rose to the occasion and managed to palm it over the bar for a corner.
Pionsat's delivery from corners was not as good as it ought to be - even at this level, but this time, the winger got it absolutely right and put the Teilhet defence under all kinds of pressure with a long looping ball right on the 6-yard line, just where it ought to be.
The Teilhet keeper was right up to the task and came off his line. He really had to stretch for it, and timed a punch to perfection. And it's a good job he did too, as the Pionsat attacker to the right of the image was poised to head it home.
By now I was really impressed with this keeper. He was fairly old, but I bet he's played some good football in his younger days. Of the keepers I've seen so far, I'd have him in my side any day.
And I really like the photo too. It's come out really well.
It was all one-way traffic now. Not long to the final whistle and Pionsat were still 2-1 down but the Teilhet goal was living a charmed life.
Yet another Pionsat attack - yet another shot from a Pionsat attacker, and once more, deflected behind for a corner. It was one of those days where you have the impression that Pionsat were never going to find an equaliser - let alone the winner that they deserved.
From the resulting corner, Pionsat got in yet another shot on goal. This one from close range beat the keeper completely - there was nothing that he could do about it - but luckily the Teilhet defender on the post stuck out a despairing leg at the last minute and kicked it off the line.
And by now, I'd worked out who the keeper is. He's Jack Elam, Dr van Helsing out of The Cannonball Run
Arrggggggghhhhhhh! With all of Pionsat's players upfield for the last hour or so, it was odds-on that sooner or later Teilhet's young winger would pick up one of these desperate clearances, shake off the two defenders marking him, and make a break for goal. And with the Pionsat keeper having stood idle in the cold and drizzle for the last 75 minutes, anything might happen.
Knowing the luck that I usually manage to bring to a team, you can bet your life that a Teilhet goal would have been the inevitable outcome. But just for once, and to show that there is a God more powerful than the one who guides my hand, the Pionsat keeper made a good save and kept his team in the game.
With almost the last kick of the game, the Pionsat no10 is brought down right on the edge of the box. Despite appeals for a penalty, the ref awards a free kick just outside. Teilhet build a wall about 6 metres away, so the ref paces out the 9 metres and the Teilhet wall takes no notice.
The response of the Pionsat no10 is to curl a beautiful free kick right round the esge of the wall into the far corner of the net. The keeper didn't see it until late, and despite his despairing dive, that was that.
And justice was only part-done. Pionsat ought to have had a bag full today. They were desperately unlucky, but at least today I've seen some of the best goals I'm ever likely to see at this level.
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